egg in your beer

and other first world problems

Welcome to number two of my still-unnamed new series. The expression for today’s piece is:

“What do you want, egg in your beer?”

So where on earth did this lovely expression come from? Something to do with eggnog? No! Apparently adding egg to beer dates back to the 17th century, where in England the mixture included herbs and whatnot and used as medicine. In Pennsylvania, it was known as a “miner’s breakfast”.

However, the expression became popular during the Second World War because of the egg and beer scarcity, and so the combination seemed a bit bourgeois. It came to mean being ungrateful for what you already have. For wanting a bonus without actually deserving it. It was used as a snap at those whingers with their unjustified gripes about how bad things are when, put into perspective, they are really quite good. Today, we might say “first world problems”, or “what do you want, a medal?”

In a day and age where we have so much to be ungrateful for, I of course decided to try it for myself.

The first problem, truly first world in nature, was, which kind of egg? Dip my toes in with a quail egg? Speckled or unspeckled? Or just plunge into full chicken?

Damn right I went full chicken.

Next step - which beer? Well, that was a tough one. It was frigid and blowing a mild gale out, so while I hankered for a nice stout (read: egg in my beer) at a 5 minute walk, I settled on a try-my-luck at the 3-minute-away-place beer. Should I go a truly local salt-of-the-earth beer? Or one of those fancy IPA thingies?

Well, I decided on a strong local IPA (10%), thinking the higher alcohol percentage would keep me safe from possible Salmonella. Later, I learned that mixing raw eggs with alcohol does not make them safer to consume. But with 1 in 20,000 odds, I rolled those dice.

Just to really nail it home that I shit you not…

Et voila!

Opening the can, that sweet IPA aroma quite pleasantly caressed my nostrils. Drinking, I couldn’t taste egg for the first few gulps - this isn’t so bad, I thought.

Mouthfuls later, though, the egg-reek slunk its way through, artfully elbowing aside the lovely IPA fruitiness and asserting its dominance. Look closely at the image above, and you’ll see that the yolk sunk straight to the bottom. By the three-quarter mark…

…egginess trumped beer, emerging the clear victor and calling for the coining of a new word - “yolkiness”. This word describes the coupling of snot-oyster mouthfeel with egg-reek aroma. Yolkiness is unpleasant - fucking disgusting even. Still… I must go on.

A fork? A fork! I fetch a fork and mix as best I can.

Then… down the hatch. Gone. Finally.

I rinsed the glass, and rinsed it again. I scrubbed it. Scrubbed again. Then poured another beer. Finally, snot-free beer.

But dear god I can still taste the egg. I think I need to retire this glass.

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So, I hear you ask: “Do you want egg in your beer?”

No. No I do not.